Had a very enriching experience at the Christmas Eve service - wonderful!
Enjoyed time spent with the family over the next few days but was saddened by the death of my uncle on Boxing Day.
Found this passage by CS Lewis very inspiring:
"At present we are on the outside of the world, the wrong side of the door. We discern the freshness and purity of morning, but they do not make us fresh and pure. We cannot mingle with the splendours we see. But all the leaves of the New Testament are rustling with the rumour that it will not always be so. Some day, God willing, we shall get in.

This afternoon Robin's family and friends will be gathering to say goodbye and to give thanks for his life.
Robin came to faith only recently and would be the first to say that he had doubts and questions about so many areas.
However, over the last couple of months he had prepared himself for death and, I believe, had come to a full understanding of the love of God.
Now left to those of us still here to support and help Lynn and his family to work through the grieving process.
I didn't know you for very long, Robin, but my life was blessed by having you as a friend.

In the fourth week of Advent I am going to be focusing on the message to Mary and her response. Wondering how she felt to be so young and yet to be the chosen one "full of grace."

Also spending more time listening for God and resting in his presence in silent prayer.

Waiting, waiting.

Today I have had sad news that a friend has died. He was due to be married on Saturday. He and his fiancee had been told a few weeks ago that he had a terminal medical condition and had little time left.
Now his fiancee is cancelling a wedding and planning a funeral. It was his last wish that they be married before he died so it seems even harder to bear.
He was a good friend who had a gift for listening. He had come to faith recently and was still full of questions.

Lord, give Robin eternal rest and let your light shine upon him forever.
May his soul find peace.
Amen

This week I have been given a "note to preach" in our Methodist Circuit. This is the beginning of the journey to become an accredited Local Preacher.
Twelve months ago I would have said that I would never preach, never want to do that!
Over the last few months a little voice in the back of my head has been telling me to reconsider!
Watch this space.

The last day of November and the second day of Advent. A time for looking back and looking forward. A time for new beginnings.
On Wednesday I will be asking the Local Preachers meeting for a note to preach in the local Methodist Circuit. Twelve months ago I would have said that I would never preach! Much too scary a prospect. But the nagging voice won't go away, so now is the ideal time to test that call.
I am very conscious that the ability of a preacher is very much in the hand of God. Without the grace needed to preach, a preacher is, at best, ineffectual and, at worst, dangerous!
Advent is also time for a new beginning for me in another direction. I have applied to the Anglican Dominicans to be admitted as an Oblate of St Dominic.
Dominican spirituality and its emphases seems to "fit" me like a glove. The glorious "To praise, to bless, to preach!" seems to ring out in my soul!

Over the last few weeks I have been reflecting on the four last things. Death, judgement, hell and heaven. Although I have not always found this an easy process, I feel I have deepened my spiritual understanding and have followed a useful pathway, emerging today on the day of Christ the King!
And my soul certainly does rejoice and sing!
Listening to the Hallelujah chorus this morning, I feel my soul swelling with love for the Lord of Lords, King of Kings.
That's my King!
Do you know him?

In this week of All Souls I have been asked to reflect on my own dying. An exercise I have not embarked upon before. I have no idea where this will take me at the moment. it has been suggested to enter into this reflection by praying the Anima Christi (see www.ourcatholicprayers.com) for the full text.

My first thought is what if, at the hour of my death, Jesus says "Depart from me, I never knew you". A frightening point to start my reflection. I am reminded, suddenly, that I don't know the hour, or the day of my death. Will I be ready?

For the past few weeks the Bible Study group has been studying the Book of Revelation. This was chosen for study because no-one in the group had studied in before. The consensus seemed to be that Revelation was a little weird and best left alone and very few people in the group had even read the book.
We decided that we should really give it a try and we are very pleased to have done so!
To help us in our study we are using a book written about 50 years ago by William Hendriksen, "More than Conquerors" and it has been very illuminating.
Revelation is not only beautifully written and constructed, but it is a very great comfort for persecuted and suffering Christians of every age. It is a source of immense hope as we think of the second coming, our hearts filled with joy and with a longing that the Son of man may suddenly descend inall his glory. And we realise that the Son of Man is already with us in the Spirit "And he laid his right hand uponme, saying Fear not; I am the first and the last, and the living one; and I was dead, and behold I am alive for evermore, and I have the keys to Death and Hades."
We are certainly "more than conquerors" through him that loved us!

Today I have been thinking about what it means to be a disciple and "disciple" others.
Jesus said "Go out and make disciples" but I am beginning to think that this is something best done on a small scale. I believe the idea is that we should make disciples one by one. In much the same way as Jesus healed individuals and brought the paraplegic, the blind man, the Samaritan woman to him by means of a one to one, face to face experience. For example, we should concentrate on making disciples one at a time by means of a sustained personal relationship.
We should follow Christ's example and "call out" to a person by name. We should commit to devoting time and patience to love that person, regardless of how different we may be or how difficult it might seem. It is important to spend time together, in conversation or sharing a meal or a hobby and take time to thrash out opinions on life. Communication on a deep level is necessary and we should not be worried about sharing our own hopes, dreams, aspirations with the one being discipled. There is a sense of opening up ourselves and becoming vulnerable in a reciprocal relationship.
We should nurture the image of God we see in each other, affirm the good and address the negative. Truly seek God together.

Over the last few days I have been helping my daughter clean her new flat in London, ready for her to move closer to her job. Commuting has proved very tiring so she is looking forward to more sleep and being able to walk to work, instead of taking a taxi, train and a bus!
The flat is very small but feels safe. There is a good atmosphere in the building. My daughter would not consider herself religious and is "not sure" about God, so I was very pleased when she asked me if I knew how to bless the flat. It is not something I have done before but it was good to ask God's blessing on that place and her life in it. It was good too, to remember, that God is everywhere. He is in that small flat, in the streets that surround it and his loving arms hold us close.

I am a big fan of the internet site Facebook. I think it is a wonderful way to connect with people from all over the world and it is a wonderful tool for evangelism. I have been really heartened to see the growth of popularity of pages such as "The Bible" with over 400 000 "friends" added in the last few months. This is a place to share favourite verses, study and generally build each other up. Similarly with the group "Praying People", over 11000 people have got together to pray for each other and the world. Awesome!
However, there are sad stories attached to the use of Facebook. I have read today about a man who has been accused of murdering his partner after she changed her Facebook status from "married" to "single". There had been arguments about the length of time she spent using the networking site and jealousy had eaten away at her partner. This culminated in a stabbing that has left four children without a mother.
It is possible to become addicted to many different things in this world that, ultimately cam destroy lives. Drink, drugs, gambling and most recently, surfing the internet can all be detrimental to our lives if used to excess.

This morning I have been watching an online video of the Harvest ministries 2009 South California Crusade that took place in Orange County this weekend. www.harvest.org
This is the twentieth year for the Crusade and it would appear that over the weekend over 11000 people have made a commitment to God in the Angel Stadium.
Strong messages from Greg Laurie and music from Skillet, The Katinas, Chris Tomlin and more. A wonderful sight!
How many of those 11000 will follow up their commitment? How good is the support network now to work with those people? I pray that lives have been changed forever.

I have just returned from a wonderful holiday, cruising in the Adriatic. The ship visited Greece, Slovenia, Croatia, Montenegro and Italy. We saw some beautiful scenery, visited some interesting buildings and met some wonderful people.
The thing that impressed me most was the attitude of the ship's crew. The 500 plus members of crew were mainly from Bali, Fiji, the Philippines and Greece. A lot of the time they work in hot, cramped conditions for long hours and yet were unfailingly happy, smiling, courteous, polite and very hard-working. There was a sense of pride in their work that was obvious and very refreshing. The company award "Oscars" for the crew and the Cabin Steward or Waiter of the Month award for instance was highly prized.
All the jobs on boared ship were seen as of great value and, speaking to the crew, they obviously felt proud to be working for the cruise line, even though, in most cases, the cruise season meant working away from their homes and families from March to October, with little or no chance of a home visit during this time. One beauty technichian from the Philippines had left her 3 month old baby and her 2 year old son behind, in the care of her husband's family, to take the opportunity to earn a good wage to help support them in the future.
I wish everyone had the same attitude to life as the crew of this ship.

As I am writing this there is an act of worship going on in Trafalgar Square, London, as part of the "One & Other" project. www.oneandother.co.uk
A brave man is standing on the fourth plinth and leading an hour's worship, including Holy Communion. What an oasis in the middle of the city. The service is being streamed via webcam and so the total number of participantrs in the service may be many more than the small crowd gathered by the plinth.
I have been reminded by the actions of some of the people in Trafalgar Square that the Word of God is not always received in the same way by everyone who hears it. There are those in the crowd who are standing respectfully, heads bowed in prayer, many who have come particularly to show support for the speaker. Some passers-by have stopped and are genuinely interested and listening to the proceedings. Yet others are hurrying past, intent on going about their own daily business and completely oblivious to what is going on. I pray that everyone who has passed by that plinth today or watched the service online may feel the soft touch of God in their lives. There in the midst of the city, the presence of God is being affirmed today. For God is everywhere with us, in quiet sanctuary or noisy street.

I have been watching the Symposium on Christianity in the Digital Age which is being streamed from St John's College, Durham.
As someone who is going to candidate as a Deacon in the Methodist Church and who is passionate about being mission-focused, committed to enabling outreach, evangelism and service in the real world, I am equally as passionate about how we engage with the billions of people using the internet. How can we reflect Christ in cyberspace?
Some of the points made at the symposium make good discussion starters.
Maybe, for instance, the MDO should have a division of "Digital Deacons" who go into cyberspace, engage with people where they are already meeting eg Facebook, My Space, Warcraft?
We need to make God the centre of our virtual world as well as our real world. How can we be Incarnational on the internet and introduce the cyber population to Christ?

As I am intending to candidate for the Diaconate in 2010 I have been downloading the new information for candidates from the Methodist website.
There seems to be pages and pages to familiarise myself with and a strict timetable of events to follow.
The most important thing to do before the end of the year would seem to be the compilation of a Portfolio of Experience that details a developing call and associated experiences.
My first reaction, upon seeing the Guidelines and trying to assimilate so much information was to cry "I'll never do it. It's too difficult and I'm not good enough." I am no longer a bright young thing, I am at the age when I had expected to be winding down to a nice retirement by the sea somewhere. I am partially-sighted and reading can be tiring and a struggle sometimes. I experienced the "Why me, God and why NOW!" feelings and felt a rising sense of panic!
Part of me was hoping that the answer to that plea would be "Well never mind, don't bother. It is too much to expect of you, just keep on as you are and I'll ask someone else." Naturally that didn't happen. Instead I was aware of an even more urgent sense that I have to do this, God demands it, and , alongside this, a sense of comfort that it will work out, the Portfolio will eventually be ready, the forms filled in and the acts of worship assessed. A realisation that I am not, after all, on my own, that God demands this but will be with me to help see it through.
In the last couple of days I have been offered a place on a course of Old and New Testament studies ( One of my worries was my lack of knowledge of Scripture) and an excellent mentor has been found to guide me through the coming months.
The clock is ticking, the process has begun! No going back.. .

The Conference of the Methodist Church UK today passed a historic motion. It became the first British Church to ban its members from belonging to political parties that promote/endorse racism.
A resolution passed by the annual Methodist Conference, meeting in Wolverhampton, declared that “No member of the Church can also be a member of a political party whose constitution, aims or objectives promote racism. This specifically includes, but is not solely limited to, the British National Party”.
The news follows a similar ban on Church of England clergy, but weMethodists have gone much further, saying that no-one can even be a member of the Church while also belonging to the BNP.
The motion condemns racism and the BNP specifically, but also states “those who support racist parties are also God’s children, and in need of love, hope and redemption”. Supporters of the measure are keen to emphasise that no-one will be banned from attending a church – only from membership of it.
The Conference heard speakers in support of the motion who themselves had experienced racial abuse and suffered because of that. It is important to remember that we must "hate the sin, but love the sinner"
The BNP has tried to say that it wants to protect the UK's Christian Heritage but decisions such as the one made today by British Methodists will hopefully lead to more churches openly and clearly disassociating themselves from the BNP's "Christian Heritage" rhetoric (see http://www.ekklesia.co.uk/node/9843)

Listening online to the live audio from the Methodist Conference in Wolverhampton I am astonished at the amount of business that has to be brought to Conference.
Being involved in a local church, it is easy to think that the local church is the centre of the Methodist Universe and that the rest of the Methodist Church is of secondary importance. It is good to remember the bigger picture and to remember that we are part of the wider Connexion.

As today is my birthday, I have been reflecting on age generally.
Inside my head I am the same "young" person I was when I was a teenager, only the outer casing has deteriorated somewhat! My "spirit" is still young, doesn't age, which is a reminder of and witness to the eternal nature of our spiritual lives and the thought that our spirits live forever without showing signs of decrepitude. A foretaste of the life eternal to come!
I was lucky enough to share my birthday celebrations with those of an 80 year old lady, organist at the church and member of the Friendship Club that meets there for lunch on Wednesdays. She has served the church loyally for many years and has a "young" outlook, welcoming new forms of worship and music in the services and encouraging new musicians. A wonderful example that age should not be a barrier to embracing new things and embracing change.

Today, with my Circuit Administrator hat firmly on my head, I have been writing to the local churches to give the stewards the arrangements for the Sunday in July when only three churches in the Circuit will be open for worship and the other churches will remain closed.
The idea is that there will be three different types of service, one traditional, one reflective and one all age praise service. Hopefully something for everyone. Transport will be arranged to ensure that no-one is unable to attend one of the churches.
This will be a challenge to many of the congregation. Many members think that it is their "right" to worship at their local church, that every church is entitled to have a preacher in the pulpit every Sunday (regardless of the fact that there may only be four or five regularly in the congregation)
We must stop thinking that we have always done things a certain way, so no other way will do. We must be prepared to embrace change and consider the future and the way ahead.
Some people have already indicated that they will not be travelling to another church to worship on this particular day. One or two churches have asked if they can ignore the three planned services and open as usual - and have been told that they may not.
I think we should all remember that each church is part of a wider church family that embraces Circuit, District and Connexion and welcome the opportunity to meet new people and experience different styles of worship. It is all about relationship and grace.

Last week a group of Christians from New Life Church in Grantham decided to help the community by clearing up litter and providing events and entertainment for residents on one of the town's council estates. They intended to show the love of God to the people of the town and wanted to make a difference to the community.
However, the group has come in for much criticism, being accused of helping people "for the wrong reasons". It has been suggested that these volunteers were helping people, not because they care about the community, but because they "fear eternal punishment if they don't do this sort of work and expect to be rewarded in heaven". Some of the town residents have even suggested that it would have been better for them not to bother, because they are only trying to "ram their beliefs down people's throats".
We obviously have a bigger struggle on our hands than I had anticipated, when acts of kindness are viewed with resentment and suspicion!

In the last few days I have learnt about "Live Birth Abortion".
This is an absolutely despicable crime against humanity and I am utterly sickened to read about the practice.
Jill Stanek was a nurse at Christ Hospital in Oak Lawn, Illinois. As a Christian, she was distressed to learn that the hospital was not only pro-abortion, but But what was most distressing was to learn of the method Christ Hospital uses to abort, called induced labor abortion, now also known as "live birth abortion." In this particular abortion procedure doctors do not attempt to kill the baby in the uterus. The goal is simply to prematurely deliver a baby who dies during the birth process or soon afterward.
To commit induced labor abortion, a doctor or resident inserts a medication into the mother’s birth canal close to the cervix. The cervix is the opening at the bottom of the uterus that normally stays closed until a mother is about 40 weeks pregnant and ready to deliver. This medication irritates the cervix and stimulates it to open early. When this occurs, the small second or third trimester pre-term, fully formed baby falls out of the uterus, sometimes alive. By law, in Illinois, if an aborted baby is born alive, both birth and death certificates must be issued. Ironically, at Christ Hospital the cause of death often listed for live aborted babies is "extreme prematurity," an acknowledgement by doctors that they have caused this death.
Jill felt she had to do something about this practice and she says "I read a Scripture that spoke directly to me and my situation. Proverbs 24:11-12 says, "Rescue those who are unjustly sentenced to death; don’t stand back and let them die. Don’t try to disclaim responsibility by saying you didn’t know about it. For God, who knows all hearts, knows yours, and he will reward everyone according to his deeds"
Jill has nowtestified four times before National and Illinois Congressional Subcommittees. Bills are being introduced to stop this form of abortion that results in infanticide. The subject of Christ Hospital and live birth abortion has garnered much public attention. Descriptions of "live birth abortions" have now been told on national television, on radio, in print, and by local and national legislators.
How many more people had previously stayed silent about this practice? How many parents and nurses and doctors had stood back and let babies die?
Silence is a sin, in situations like this. We must speak up against this kind of injustice or we increase the sin manifold. Life is sacred and calling a premature baby an "aborted foetus" does not alter that.
God bless all those children.

I have been challenged today by lines in a Celtic Prayer Book.
"God is my everything,
Who is he to you?"
He is at the core of my being and all my thoughts are wound in and around his love. I breathe in his life-sustaining Spirit and I offer everything to his glory.
Amen

Why is it that good news and bad news often come so close together?
This morning I heard that my daughter had been successful in a job interview and will be starting her dream job in London next week. After five years of higher education she is now ready to earn some money and start her career. So many emotions together - elation, fear, apprehension, but mainly excitement!
Then, this afternoon, the sort of bad news about a friend that makes you stop in your tracks and feel awful because you can do nothing to make the situation better, except pray. Thank God that in all situations we can go to him in prayer.

This last week I have been beset by computer problems. Various nasty worms had violated my life by finding their way into the PC and causing mayhem.
It made me realise how much computers have become a vital part of life. I correspond with friends over the internet, use online resources for research into everything and even read newspapers online. The weekly shop is even ordered online.
I also realised how much clutter and rubbish was on the system, so, in a way, I am rather glad to have had the opportunity to "wipe clean" the computer and restore it to factory newness. The desktop is virtually empty, the lists of favourite websites gone forever. I have the same sense of satisfaction as I have when I have sorted out cupboards and drawers and de-cluttered the garage and the shed!
We clutter up our lives with non-essential things, when really there is very little we actually need. Once we get rid of a lot of unnecessary rubbish we are in a much better position to see what really matters and what we reallycannot live without!

I spent the Easter week in Rome and was privileged to attend Easter Sunday service at the Methodist Church on the Ponte Sant'Angelo, over the footbridge from Vatican City and within sight of St Peter's.
This small church and English-speaking community bear a strong witness in Rome. The congregation has a few core members - some of whom have been living in Rome for many years and an ever-changing number of students and visitors each week.
There were people from many different countries there on Easter Sunday and was a truly cosmopolitan experience!

On Monday evening I witnessed a wonderful thing. Representatives from every local church in the Methodist Circuit here got together with the Leadership team to look at the future.
There was apprehension on behalf of the team. Change was inevitable, but how would the representatives react to being asked to visualise the future shape of Mission in this place? Some of the local chapels in rural locations have a tiny membership and an ageing congregation.
Those attending were divided into groups and given questions for discussion. Each group had a Circuit Steward to act as a facilitator. Questions ranged from "How do you see the Circuit looking in 10 years time?" to "What do our ministers actually do? What do they think they should do?"
The Holy Spirit certainly moved through that meeting! What an air of positivity, what a willingness to embrace change! Wonderful, positive suggestions for engaging with the community, for freeing up resources so they coukd be used where they were most needed. Above all, an absolute commitment to continuing witness, to spreading the Gospel message and to following Jesus and the knowledge that there is much work for us to do and God wants us to get on with it!

I have just heard about a new form of community that is starting up in Pittsburgh. It is called Formation House and more information can be found at http://www.formationhouse.org/

a place for foundational formation
through immersion into intentional
Christian community
a one year cycle beginning in August
APPLY NOW for next year’s cycle
the basic building blocks for each year are rhythms of prayer and work, or as the rhythms are traditionally called - ora et labora, which ground our abilities to participate in Jesus’ work of announcing the good news: the Kingdom of God is near
Formation House is located on Thomas Boulevard, as an expression of An Ordered Life, in a neighborhood of Pittsburgh
Modefls of engagement/relationship with community such as this seem to be emerging world-wide. What an exciting time we are living in! The Holy Spirit is at work and we need to open our hearts and minds to projects such as this one.

Psalm 8
Antiphon: Speak, Lord for we are listening to you.
1. Lord, our God, the whole world tells the greatness of your name.Your glory reaches beyond the farthest star. 2. Even the babble of infants declares your strength, your power to halt the enemy and avenger.3. I see your handiwork in the heavens the moon and the stars you set in place. 4. What is humankind that you remember them,the human race that you care for them?5 You treat them like gods,Dressing them in glory and splendour.You give them charge of the earth Laying all at their feet. 6. Cattle and sheep,wild beasts, birds of the sky fish of the sea,every swimming creature.7. Lord, Our God,the whole world tells the greatness of your name.Glory to You, Source of all Being, Eternal Word and Holy Spirit,As it was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be, world without end, Amen.
Antiphon: Speak, Lord for we are listening to you.

Spring has arrived in Lincolnshire and I am filled with wonder and praise for the Creator God. Hallelujah!

I have found myself increasingly drawn to the concepts of "New Monasticism" lately.
The idea of living in a community that is concerned with practical engagement with the poor, with an ethic of hospitality and sharing, being available to people in need of comfort, help or assistance and with an emphasis on a prayerful, contemplative spiritual and devotional life is very appealing. There have been "New Monastic" communities in existence since the seventies and are an antidote to the individualism and consumerism we find in society today. Life is all about relationship and we need to explore our relationships with others and with God.
I find myself increasingly drawn to contemplative prayer and have also recently started to use the Ignatian model of the Examination of Conscience in my own prayer life.
I have come to believe that deep commitment to other people and powerful theological reflection are essential if the church is to recover itslife and true witness to the world in which we live.

I have spent the last few days in Rome and, as usual, was amazed at the nonchalant way that ancient monuments, statues and buildings exist alongside grafitti-covered, concrete apartment blocks, underpasses, magazine kiosks and litter. Rome is the ultimate example of "shabby chic".
One of my favourite buildings is the Pantheon and it seems at the same time incongruous and completely natural to turn off a busy street full of shops and traffic, wander along a narrow side street and suddenly find a huge Roman temple squeezed in amongst the gift shops and the ubiquitous MacDonalds.
The trip has reminded me that something beautiful does not cease to be beautiful when surrounded by noise and dirt and ugliness. Rather the surrounding ugliness and chaos seem to elevate its quiet dignity. In much the same way as the general ugliness and squalor we find in so many areas of the world does not diminish the awesome beauty of the creation as a whole or the beauty of the One who created it and stands within His creation, but rather intensifies it.

I wonder how many people are travelling through the Holy Land with Christian Aid's Online Pilgrimage? http://lentpilgrimage.christianaid.org.uk/?p=175
Today's stopping point, the Church of the Nativity, has become a tourist attraction and bears little similarity to the humble place where Jesus was born. Today's commentary suggests that Jesus is not in the shrine, but in the shops, cafes and markets that surround the church - in his people.
In a Circuit where the future of our old buildings is uncertain and the prospect of "letting go" of bricks and mortar causes so many tensions and disagreement, I am pleased to be reminded that it is people that count, God is to be found in people and not in empty buildings. The dwelling place for God inside us is a humble heart.

I have decided that Lent is a good time to start a Blog, a sort of online -journal of musings and reflections.
Today I have been thinking about what it means to be a disciple of Christ. How easy it is to say "Yes, I am a Christian, I follow Jesus." How difficult it is to be a true follower, to put God and God's ministry first, before everything else and to commit our whole selves to God. If we were better disciples, how different would the world be? If we all were prepared to take up the cross willingly and deny self, the Church in this world would surely be the glorious thing it was intended to be? I am sometimes embarrassed and ashamed when I look at the slightly tawdry, grubby church we have created, when we should have presented God and the world with a spotless, glorious creation.
I fail every day in my discipleship, I never come up to expectations. But thank God for the unconditional love that still surrounds me, surrounds us all.